It seems like there is rarely a day that Tim and I don't hear, "so when is your baby girl coming??" I can't tell you how much we long to have an answer to that question besides... "We really don't know!"
The truth is, only God knows, and as my sister always says (from firsthand experience), "either we trust Him, or we don't." We have to trust in God's perfect timing!
I have to admit, it has been awhile since my last post mainly because I don't want any of my blogs to become a "blah, blah, blah, woe is me, sob story!"
As far as the adoption goes, there really isn't much change. We have changed our referral requests a bit (adding some special needs to our 'yes' list), but the wait time is still unknown.
We do know that there is a large group of referrals from one of the partnership orphanages coming this month... Could she be in this list, we really don't know?! Only God knows, and "either we trust Him, or we don't..." We choose to trust!
As far as other stuff goes, we must admit that this last month has been a rough one! It seems that our enemy, the devil has been prowling around like a lion waiting for someone to devour...
I was hesitant to share, but a mentor friend of mine told me that this is a story to share because it is a story of God's power in our marriage!!
If you remember, awhile ago I shared about reading a Psalm each day during this waiting time to help keep my eyes fixed on Him and not on my circumstances. What a blessing it has been to read the Psalms and see King David's heart as he walks with The Lord. About 3 weeks into that time, my mind began to dwell on some not so great thoughts.
I began thinking untrue thoughts about myself, and untrue thoughts about our marriage. I was allowing these thoughts to rob me of any joy!! I stopped reading my Bible and became consumed with my thoughts.
I thought for sure that my husband didn't love me (completely unwarranted) and that he would leave me because I wasn't a good enough wife (again, unwarranted). I do recognize that all marriages, including ours, go through rough patches, and that marriage is HARD, but this was not one of those times. Tim was more than showing his love and devotion to me, and yet, I couldn't help but think these thoughts.
One night Tim and I were discussing all of this and kind of going round and round in a circle. Nothing was making sense... I was feeling a huge weight of all of this being "my fault" (a weight I was putting on myself). It was as if the real me was on the inside going, "why are you even thinking these things? Why are you letting these thoughts paralyze you?" And yet, that's exactly what was happening... I was paralyzed by these thoughts!! It was at that moment that I realized... I (we) have an enemy that prowls around, and I became a vulnerable target to his "flaming arrows."
I was blindsided... How often I forget that our enemy is real, and that he truly desires to ruin our lives and ruin our marriages!! He is crafty, and knows our weaknesses, and yet, "Our God is greater, our God is stronger!"
When I recognized the enemy's hand in my thoughts and that those thoughts were affecting our marriage, the enemy no longer had the power!! I also remembered that a friend of mine (who has adopted kids of her own) told me at the very beginning of our adoption journey "remember that the battle is not against your husband..."
Tim and I have never been willing to settle for a mediocre marriage!! We work hard at making our marriage great, and yet there are times when the enemy still tries to step in and rob us of our joy!! Thankfully I serve a great God and have a husband who is willing to fight alongside me in this battle!!
So, as we continue on in our wait, we have become more aware of the enemy and the schemes that he will use to try to rob us of the joy and contentment that can only be found in Christ!! We ask for your continued prayers as well!! Ephesians 6 reminds us of the daily battle we are in and that we should pray for ALL the saints as well...we are all in this and we need each other!!
In closing, when I returned the next day to read in Psalms, the passage for that day that I chose to memorize (after many days of not reading) was Psalm 20:7... "Some boast in chariots and some in horses, but we will boast in the name of the Lord our God." This was written by the very man that stood before the giant Goliath, and said, "You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted."
We daily fight in a battle with a strong enemy, but we have a stronger God who fights before us!!
We can't wait for the day when someone asks us that same question, "so when is your daughter coming?" and we will finally be able to show them a picture and give them an answer... but in the meantime, we will continue to trust in the name of the Lord our God!
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